'I’ve spent two years feeling disrespected and unsupported': Girl's in-laws treat her as live in maid, girl's boyfriend won't stand up for her when she calls them out

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Jan 20, 2025 7:00 PM EST

Growing up, there are things about adulthood that feel like they're going to be much bigger threats than they are. Quicksand, for starters. There's a lot less quicksand in adult life than cartoons made it out to be. One of the things they warn you about that is really terrifying? In-laws. That's right, there's nothing scarier than meeting the people who made your partner and seeing them in their natural habitat only for you to realize, "Oh, that explains everything." It's worse when your partner doesn't even realize the quirks they were endowed with are full-fledged nightmares when displayed by their parents. Some people really luck out with their in-laws, don't get me wrong. A vision of shared holidays, parents splitting time amicably when helping out with childcare. But not all of us can live a fairy tale. And if we do, it might be a Grimm one.

OP here is at her wits end with her in-laws. After years of accepting their beratement and frankly bad behavior, she turns to Reddit to help her decide if she's had enough. Does her boyfriend have what it takes to acknowledge his family's shortcomings? Or will he continue the generational curse yet again?


 

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  • 01
    THIS HOUSE WAS CLEAN YESTERDAY WE'RE SORRY YOU MISSED IT
    via Jonathan Francisca
  • 02
    AITAH for Telling My Boyfriend's Parents Off and Thinking About Breaking Up Because He Never Stands Up for Me? I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (29M) for almost two years now. For the most part, things are good between us when it's just us two. But whenever we visit his parents, everything falls apart. His mom and dad (let's call them Mary and John) are... a lot.
    via No_Guest_5349
  • 03
    They criticize everything about me. My clothes? Not "classy" enough. My job? "Oh, that's not really stable, is it?" Even the way I talk gets picked apart sometimes. I try to brush it off, but it's like death by a thousand cuts. And it's not just the comments. Whenever we're at their house, they treat me like their personal servant.
    via No_Guest_5349
  • 04
    Mary will say something like, "Oh, could you clear the table, dear?" Which I didn't mind the first time, but then it's, "Can you wash those dishes?" and "Why don't you serve the dessert?" Meanwhile, my boyfriend is just sitting there, scrolling on his phone or chatting with his dad. It's like they expect me to play maid while they all relax.
    via No_Guest_5349
  • 05
    The last time we visited, things hit a breaking point. We were having dinner, and Mary made another one of her lovely comments about how I "should learn how to cook properly" if I want to keep my boyfriend happy. I just... snapped. I told her, "Actually, Mary, I don't need any lessons, but maybe you could learn some respect."
    via No_Guest_5349
  • 06
    De d silence. Like, you could hear a pin drop silence. Then John chimes in, calling me r de and ungrateful. He actually said, "We've been nothing but kind to you, and this is how you treat us?" KIND?! I'm sorry, expecting me to be your housemaid and constantly putting me down is kind?
    via No_Guest_5349
  • 07
    After dinner, my boyfriend didn't say a word to them. I thought maybe he was finally upset on my behalf, but nope. The second we got in the car, he went off on me. He said I embarrassed him and overreacted, that I "should've just let it go" because "that's how they are."
    via No_Guest_5349
  • 08
    I told him I'm sick of feeling like I'm on my own when it comes to his parents. I asked him, "Why don't you ever stand up for me?" And he just shrugged and said, "It's not a big deal."
    via No_Guest_5349
  • 09
    Not a big deal?! I've spent two years feeling disrespected and unsupported, and he's calling me dramatic for finally speaking up. I told him if he's not willing to back me up, maybe we need to rethink our relationship. He said I was being ridiculous and ended the conversation.
    via No_Guest_5349
  • 10
    Now I'm here, questioning everything. Was I wrong for snapping? Should I have handled it differently? Am I overreacting by thinking. about breaking up with him? I feel stuck. Am I the AH?
    via No_Guest_5349
  • 11

    Redditors swoop in on OP's side

    NTA Find someone who respects you and will standup for you. Your current boyfriend deserves the title of Ex.
    via No_Guest_5349
  • 12

    But not before they give her a reality check

    NTA you did the right think standing up for yourself, you should also consider leaving your bf if he doesn't has your back then there is no future for you with him
    via No_Guest_5349
  • 13
    As a person with a husband like that, run. My in laws spoiled everything from my wedding to my tfmr (I didn't think it was possible to feel worse than I was filling after loosing my baby but they managed it). It won't get better. He might pretend like he changed during normal days but in case of high stress old habits will come back. Don't repeat my mistakes.
    via No_Guest_5349
  • 14
    NTA. You have every right to stand up for yourself and expect respect, especially from your boyfriend, who should be supporting you in difficult situations with his parents.
    via No_Guest_5349
  • 15
    Ugh, what's with the 'tradition' of families who think they are so wonderful that you have to earn your way in by putting up with their insults and obeying their sexist demands? You were cool as h I for telling Mary where to stick her cooking comment--keep that energy. And then there's your weasel boyfriend who has sat on his phone for two years while they do their 'haze the girlfriend' bulls..... He deserves no more of your time.
    via No_Guest_5349
  • 16
    OP, come on! This guy allows his parents to degrade you, doesn't stand up for your, and then he goes off on you when you do that for yourself? How many more red flags do you actually need until you realise that he doesn't respect or like you? You're young. Why are you wasting your time on a spineless ?
    via No_Guest_5349
  • 17
    This is for life if you marry him. BUT helping with dinner service is the kind thing to do for you AND your boyfriend. Do them all a favor and move on. They'll find someone else to pick on soon enough.
    via No_Guest_5349
  • 18
    NTA He won't stick up for you and won't let you talk to him so that he can at least try to understand your feelings. What's left? A relationship where you are not allowed to have feelings or talk through a problem or disagree with him, that's it. Shutting down the conversion about his parents will eventually become shutting you down on anything he doesn't want to discuss, giving him final say in virtually any issue.
    via No_Guest_5349
  • 19

    WAKE UP AND BREAK UP

    NTA. As they said in the olden days of reddit, WAKE UP AND BREAK UP. He isn't worth it. Do you REALLY want to spend the rest of your life married to that family? Holidays? Family dinners? Maybe some family trips! Or when if you ever have kids with this dude? Imagine how they would be about your parenting! And then to have your bf/fiance/husband/father of your children NEVER stand up for you, and even gets mad at you for standing up for yourself ...Yikes no. Run like Satan himself is behind you.
    via No_Guest_5349

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family drama AITAH reddit story boy mom in laws mother in law reddit thread Reddit toxic relationship dating
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